A Father’s Quiet Preparation

When we speak about preparing for a child, we naturally speak more about the woman. We think about her health, her food, her rest, her medical care and her emotional state. And rightly so. But there is another person who is also part of the beginning of this new life.

 The father.

His preparation may look different. But does that mean it is less important?

“It is quite evident that the state of consciousness in which the parents are at that moment is of capital importance.”

— The Mother

The Mother does not speak as much about the father separately as she does about the mother. But when she speaks about conception, she speaks of the parents. The state of consciousness of both at that moment matters.

What does it mean for a father to prepare himself before conception?

More Than Wanting a Child

It begins with something very simple: becoming conscious of why he wants to bring a child into the world.

Many couples want a child. This desire is natural. They may imagine a little boy or girl. They may think about a family of their own. They may feel that it is the right time. Sometimes there is pressure from family. Sometimes there is simply a feeling that “now is the time”. Sometimes it simply happens.

But The Mother asks us to look at something deeper than desire.

“What is possible is that instead of doing the thing like an animal driven by instinct or desire … they do it at will, with an aspiration, putting themselves in a state of aspiration and almost of prayer, so that the being they are going to form may be one fit to embody a soul which they can call down to incarnate in that form.”

— The Mother

There is a quiet difference here. Desire says, “I want a child.” Aspiration says, “I want to prepare myself for the life that is coming.” The first is natural. The second asks something from us. It asks the father to look at his own motives.

Why do I want this child? What am I hoping this child will give me? Am I looking for someone who will fulfil me, carry my name, continue my family, or become what I want? Or can I approach this new life with a little more humility?

The Father’s Inner Preparation

The word ‘parents’ matters here. The father too brings something into that moment — his thoughts, feelings, desires, relationship with his wife and the state in which he is living.

This does not mean that a father must be calm and perfect every day. That is not possible. A man may have worries about work. He may be tired. He may have fears about becoming a father. He may not know whether he is ready. These are human things. The important thing is not to pretend that they are absent. It is to become aware of them.

The father can begin asking himself quietly: What am I carrying within me?

What kind of atmosphere am I creating at home? How do I speak? How do I behave when there is disagreement? Can I listen without immediately trying to win? Can I bring peace into the home?

The Mother’s teaching makes us understand that preparation begins there.

His Relationship With His Wife Matters

The father is not preparing alone. The child is coming through a relationship between two people. So one of his first responsibilities is to help create an atmosphere in which his wife feels safe, respected and supported.

Not because she is fragile. But because conception is not an isolated act. The Mother speaks of harmonious surroundings and of the importance of the atmosphere in which the child is being formed.

These things may look ordinary.  But ordinary life is exactly where preparation happens.

Parents Have to Educate Themselves

The Mother’s teaching about parents goes beyond the moment of conception. Before we try to shape a child, we have to work upon ourselves.

“There are other parents who know that their children should receive education and try to give it. But very few among them, even among those who are most serious and sincere, know that the first thing to do, in order to be able to educate the child, is to educate oneself, to become conscious and master of oneself so that one does not set a bad example to one's child.”

— The Mother

“Parents, you should have a high ideal and act always in accordance with that ideal. You will see little by little your child reflecting this ideal in himself and manifesting spontaneously the qualities you wish to see expressed in his nature.”

— The Mother

This gives the father’s preparation a wider meaning. He is not only preparing for the moment when a child arrives. He is beginning to ask what kind of man he wants to be in the presence of that child.  The child will learn from what he says. But even more, the child will learn from what he sees.

From Desire to Aspiration

“Conception should take place entirely outside of desire. That’s another very difficult condition to be fulfilled.”

— The Mother

These are strong words. We do not have to become afraid of them. We can simply understand what The Mother is asking us to change in ourselves.  A child should not be brought into the world merely as the result of impulse.  There is a difference between wanting a child and aspiring for the kind of consciousness with which a child may be welcomed.

The first is about the child we want. The second is about the person we are becoming. This is where the father’s quiet preparation really begins.

What Can a Father Do Today?

The Mother’s teachings can be brought into ordinary life without making them complicated.

·        becoming more conscious of his thoughts and reactions;

·        reducing unnecessary anger, agitation and impulsive behaviour;

·        looking honestly at his reasons for wanting a child;

·        creating more peace and harmony in his relationship with the mother;

·        speaking openly with her about their hopes and intentions;

·        making some quiet space for reflection, prayer or aspiration;

·        taking care of his physical health and habits;

·        trying to live the qualities he hopes will one day surround his child.

And there are things he need not do.

·        He need not become a perfect man before becoming a father.

·        He need not believe that one negative thought will determine his child’s future.

·        He need not try to control which soul will come.

·        He need not turn conscious conception into anxiety.

The Mother’s teaching is not asking the father to control the mystery. It is asking him to become more conscious of the part he brings to it.

A Father’s Quiet Responsibility

This is why the father’s preparation can be quiet. There may be no nursery to arrange yet. No baby clothes to buy. No medical appointments to attend. Nothing visible may have changed.  But something can already be changing within him.  He can begin to move from “I want to have a child” towards “I want to become ready to receive a child.”

That is a very different attitude. The father’s deepest preparation is not what he will one day teach his child. It is the consciousness he brings into the home even before the child arrives.

The child is coming into a new life. But the father too is entering a new stage of his own life. Becoming a father is not only about receiving a child. It can also become an opportunity to grow, to become more conscious and to discover something new in oneself.

A Quiet Conclusion

A father may not carry the child in his body. But he is part of the beginning.  His thoughts matter. His intentions matter. His relationship with his wife matters. The atmosphere he helps create matters. He does not need to do something extraordinary.

He can begin with a little more awareness. A little less impulse. A little more peace. A little more respect. A sincere aspiration for the life that is about to enter their lives.

Perhaps that is the father’s quiet preparation.

Not preparing to become a perfect father. But preparing to receive a child with greater consciousness.

Next Reflection

The Home That Receives a Child (The home, the atmosphere and the world into which the child is first received)